so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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