we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
