We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
