Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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