I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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