I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
