Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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