nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
