U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
