i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
