Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
