erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
