god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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