I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
