dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My feet surprised me
Randomize
