He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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