honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
