Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
