You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
