Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
