I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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