I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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