Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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