you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize