you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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