Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
