Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
