I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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