i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
