I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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