I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
