got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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