No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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