If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
