the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize