she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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