I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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