Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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