is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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