Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
