I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
