we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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