Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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