planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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