he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Less talking, more tequila
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
