Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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