I smell stomach acid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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