Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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