It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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