I think I died a long time ago.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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