I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
