You smell like a Billy Joel song
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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