If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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