Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize