I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
