i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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