remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
