Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
