Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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