Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
